i read and re-read the same line almost 10 times before i managed to find the next line. sighhhh, my mind was in sleep mode. caffeinating myself nowwwwwwww. couzies have gone back to hk, and i'm down to my last 2 weeks here. went back to sa yesterday. woah, these kids are young, i'm already a J5. 2 more weeks worth of meetups, wicked, sleepover at dajiu's, a few other outings and im gonna be back in perth, starting all over along kanimbla road. :)
my coffee cup is half empty/half full. back to work.
i keep having dreams. not the ones that give you hope, but the ones that creep into your sleep. i wake up feeling like i've escaped from another reality. we used to study in lit how dreams are the manifestation of the protagonist's subconsciousness, or suppressed emotions. fitting.
the scenes replay. the unsaid things crowd my head. the bags of emotions rest on my (already) aching shoulders.
Dear God, I really need You. I need You to help me let go of all these people in my heart. I need to let go of my perfectionism. I need to learn to accept the things I cannot change. And I need the humility to appreciate the things I cannot change. I need wisdom to know the difference. And I need grace. I’m sorry. I’m sorry God. Please forgive me. I keep wanting my way more and more. And I can’t let go. I keep thinking I know better, but how much do I really know. Lord, if my heart is not right, then how much will it glorify You God. I’m sorry God. God help me. Help me let go of all the crowns and human kings in my life. I just want You. That’s the only way I can live. To know You.