i feel so empty inside. there are just some things that happen and some words said that just resonate in your mind. and you marvel at the changes that time has caused. in you. in life. in the ways you see things. i just suddenly feel the drain. i don't know what has gotten into me. i feel all my hope, my drive just drained out. i feel so sick of being me. being happy. of being someone still doing a levels. of being insufficient. of trying to be someone else. of trying to be better than i can be. to see better than i am. to be important.
reading jo's post has made me want to reflect! (wow jo, you've inspired me to think haha.) the past 2 years has been unexpected. the fast pace life in jc was breathtaking, and all the more stressful. i can't decide which is more! fulfilled because i survived, blessed because i had so many dear friends to struggle with, to laugh with, to play, to sing and just be jolly with.
like many, i think i've grown, changed, hopefully matured. stress was a good teacher, so were struggle and failure (reminds me of estella and pip! haha ). but God was a better. the lessons He taught me had eternal value. i was broken and tried, and He was faithful to comfort and restore when i stopped hiding from Him.
im grateful for this chance as a saint, and i honestly would not trade these 2 years for any other.
